unpretty.

I have nothing against anyone.
I just don't care anymore.

undiscovered.

Dear you,

For the past weeks, I have been trying to make you happy. We have been having our ups and downs but mostly downs, these days. One minute we're happy, the next we're on top of our lungs. I wish we had what we had a year ago. We were happy, right? You buat I happy, I buat you happy. When I am down, you'd make me happy. When you're down, I'd sing pre school songs. What happened to us? How did we lose all the sparks. How did we become so distant.. And most of all, how did I lose you? I am not saying that I've lost you, but.. I've lost a part of you. The one that I am longed for.

You are not one to be blamed. I screwed up, big time. Again and again. I think you are not going to be here anymore because you are already tired and as you stated there.. You feel nothing. I faham.

We were doing good the last few days. I know we were doing good because I didn't cry for a week over us. We did not fight, we always talk to each other. Even though we are not together but I am still happy because you are close to me. No one else but me. So, I was happy. I just need you to know one thing, I never take you for granted. Not for a second because you mean the whole world to me. I thought I rock your world but I am just a tiny person that cannot make you happy even how hard I try.

I am scared.
Scared of losing you.
Scared of not having you.
Scared of watching you with other girls.
Scared of disappearing.
Scared of watching you walk away.
Scared of you.

I am sorry.
I love you a great deal.

i want to tell you a secret.

Let's play a game.
This is how it works.
Click on the comment link and write either these five

1. Your secret.
2. Things you wish you could tell to someone. (You can put their name if you want)
3. What do you feel today.
4. Anything you want to say.
5. Anything that you want to tell me.

Either these three or all three or anything you want. Anonymously, of course. Don't leave your link or name.

Post it @ this entry. I will approve it. Unless if you leave your name or anything. DON'T LEAVE YOUR NAME.

Thanks :)

presenting Luscious

My sister's group first video. :)

sbu vs. cbn

Siapa kata sbu dengan cbn tak boleh ngam? Since 1999, yo.
We're tighter than your mamah spandex.

She wants my hair.

I want her hair!


We're as tight as your mum's spandex.

Mimin's work of art =)

Baby, i am outside of your window.

puasa #01

I know that I am four days late, but..
Selamat Berpuasa to all Muslims. ;)

I love how you make me feel.

coke lemon

My roommates have gone bonkers when they forced me to play raya songs. :)

We're listening to M.Nasir - Satu Hari Di Hari Raya.

They are planning to decorate our room with ketupat, bright lights and err, mercun. I am off to ChemistryLand. Bye loves.

mahira marhainy

Mahira ada kawan baru, nama dia Nadira jugak. Patut la dia lupakan I. Dia ada pengganti I rupanya. Ini lah janji you ye Mahira untuk bersama dengan I selama-lamanya. Setelah 12 tahun, you campak I sebab ada bestfriend baru nama Nadira jugak. I dah tak sayang you dah! Kita putus sekarang jugak.

You kata you nak sayang I sampai bila-bila. SAMPAI HATI YOU. I pergi Negeri Sembilan baru 3 bulan, you dah ada pengganti ye.

Okay la, I nak tidur.

Mahira, you jangan buat I menangis tak sudah. Sudah, I nak tidur. Mahira, you owe me lunch date this Friday since you can't fast.

oopp

You know what's relaxing?
Shopping.
I went shopping yesterday with mama and met Zaahira there. It was relaxing because I got things that I wanted and I did not buy any blacks. :) Zaahira is proud of me.

white houses.

Lepas buka puasa

Mama: Mama nak buka puasa kat masjid esok, akak nak ikut tak?
Me: Adik kena balik esok jugak ke? Malas lah.
Mama: Jangan nak mengada. Akak nak ikut tak?
Akak: Akak buka dengan bapak esok ma..
Me: Mama buka la dengan bapak.
Mama: Kamu dah gila?
Me: What aunty doesn't know... (looks at akak)
Akak: (sambung) Won't hurt her...
Mama: HOI!

this post is really personal, please respect it.

Warning: Entri ini tiada niat untuk menyinggung perasaan sesiapa atau membuka pekung di dada sendiri. Ini apa yang aku pendam dari dulu.

This is going to be very personal and please don't question anything because this is what I have been feeling ever since I entered matrix. Please jangan pandang serong atau apa-apa sebab entri ni memang akan menunjukkan keburukkan saya sedikit sebanyak.

Sebelum saya masuk matriks, memang saya mengaku.. saya selalu lupa solat. Kadang-kadang mama tanya saya dah solat ke belum tapi saya kata dah walaupun saya tak buat lagi. Kalau mama outstation, memang tak sentuh telekung la. Sometimes, boleh kira berapa kali saya solat dalam sebulan and seriously, I am never proud of it. Memang saya mengaku, rasa serabut gila bila tak solat langsung. Kadang-kadang terfikir jugak nak solat, tapi lepas terleka sikit, terus lupa. Dulu, saya ada sepupu yang memang kuat solat, selalu bangun solat hajat, tahajud semua and I sort of laughed at him. I was laughing at something that is right.

Things changed after I entered matrix.

90% orang dekat sana memang religious gila. Jenis yang pergi surau time azan, dengar kuliah subuh, puasa sunat without fail.. Roommates saya pula budak sekolah agama. The first few days saya kat sana, memang rasa berat gila sebab tak biasa dengan environment baru. Semua memang akan kejutkan pukul 6 dan solat subuh sama-sama. I never experienced anything like that before. Malam-malam bila dorang baca al-Quran, saya duduk tepi.. baca buku tapi dalam hati asyik-asyik cakap, sumpah dorang rajin gila.

The main point of this entry is, I am jealous of people who have strong faith. Memang saya mengaku, saya pakai tudung memang bersebab. Satu, almost all of the girls there wear tudung. Dua, cikgu dekat sana semua pakai tudung. Tiga, saya malas nak jaga rambut. All the wrong reasons. I adore those people who wear tudung willingly, without any reasons. I am always jealous of them. I wonder sometimes, am I going to be like that too and if yes, when is it? Ada satu malam, hati tergerak nak tengok buku panduan solat yang mama bagi. Lepas berhabuk baru la saya bukak. Malam tu baru saya sedar banyak benda saya tak tahu. I was ashamed of myself.

Semenjak tu, saya memang tak gelakkan perempuan pakai tudung labuh, lelaki pakai kopiah pergi kuliah dan lain lain. People like them deserve respect more than us. Their faith is stronger than ours. And I adore the girls who wear tudung willingly. They sacrifised something that is really precious to be closer to God. People like us, we have to think it over and over again to do it while those girls, it took them a night to change everything. I respect those girls. I really do. Sekarang, semua benda betul, disalahkan. Semua benda salah, dibetulkan. We poison our minds. Tapi saya tak cakap la semua yang nampak alim tu memang baik gila, ada jugak perangai lagi teruk dari perempuan tak bertudung.

The point is, I am jealous of those who have strong faith.

P/S: Mama, if mama terjumpa entri ni.. Mintak maaf banyak banyak in advance. Erk.

wtf?

Used to be so hot but now he looks like Santa Clause. Rachel loves Santa Clause.
That's Iero, Frank Iero.

Suara I sekarang sangat sexy macam Ella, cuma suara I lebih sexy dari suara dia.

Anak suparman yang hilang.

re-offender

For once, I wish I could be the girl doing all the running.. Not the chasing.

loving you is cherry pie.

I am back home til Sunday because matriks was nice to me and decided to give me a week holiday... (Half true)

I miss Azmi.

when you're all argumentative.

And yeah I am sorry I was late,
but I missed the train,
And the traffic was a state,
And I can't arsed to carry on in this debate,
That reoccurs when you say I don't care,
But of course I do, yet I clearly do.

- Mardy Bum

oh so happy.

Best things that happened to me today, well.. yesterday.

- I got mosh pit ticket for World Stage.
- Some chick shoved me way to the front and I was at the front row.
- I shook hands with Martin Johnson.
- Tyson Ritter threw his guitar pick at me.
- Martin Johnson threw his guitar pick at me.
- Doug Robb threw his guitar pick at me.

I am happy.

I need some sleep. BYE!

just had to use this picture.

Thank you for sneaking me out at nights when I needed therapy. My partner-in-crime when it comes to food and shopping. Thank you for just being there for me when I needed you. We did not get along well when we were living under one roof but I'm glad things changed after that. Despite of your huge ego of telling me that you don't love me at ALL! I know you do. (hehe) I know how much you hate it when I try to kiss your cheek to show how much I love you.. So, as your birthday present.. I AM GONNA KISS YOUR FACEEEE AKAK! Sisterly love~

Happy 24th Birthday, Big Sis!

you wanted the best but it wasn't me.

I am so in love with myself now for getting Mosh ticket for World Stage to-morrow! =D

You have no idea how excited I am right now because I just need a therapy and I am getting one tomorrow!!!! I WANT TO SEE NICK WHEELER. OKTHXBAI.

hello there tyson ritter.

Here's a happy post.

I know how to use the coin-operated washing machine! I used it with Leena last night at.. err 11.45 because we needed to do some laundry. I was all jakun when Leena showed me the way to use it since I always wash my clothes using my hands, my soft soft hands. -_-

And oh, I had text from 9.30 PM til 11.00 PM yesterday. Awesome shiz huh?

To happen tomorrow: WORLD STAGE!

say hello.

Getting all the signs; saying that I should stop.
How can you stop holding on to something or someone that makes you feel so good?

I fucking need a therapy.
Farim and I need a bloody therapy.

Disappointing, I tell you.

you used to shine so bright but i watched all of it fade.

It shouldn't be this hard,
It shouldn't hurt this bad,
As a matter of fact, it's not even right to think of it.

Always and forever.

How can I be optimistic about it when I'm always wrong when I think something good will happen. My bad aura is turning my roommates down because I used to be all happy until two weeks ago. I don't any reasons to smile anymore. I just want to be happy but only one thing can make me happy and it's something I cannot have.

I'm sorry for all the emo posts, I am just not happy.

I held on to people won't change. I held on to that, for too long which is killing me both on the outside and inside. I've been asking signs on this matter but all I am getting is bad signs. I seriously can't be an optimist right now. It's all the opposite of good.

Just like what I thought, you can never hold on to forever.

thirdloveletter

Someday, I know you will come back but how long do I have to wait til that day comes?

It's hard to keep on pretending that I am all happy when it's always been broken inside. I see this is pointless because both of us are not doing fine. At least I know I am. I want to keep you near me but the new us is dragging us apart. It cannot be fixed as I can see it.

I just want the old you back because that's who I missed. I am trying to adapt to the new you but it just keeps on getting harder each other because bit by bit I am losing you.

Hope.

are you scared, too?

First time aku rasa budak lelaki kat matriks aku ni agak kurang ajar dan biadap gila hari ni. Nak tegur tu tengok la diri sendiri.. Sendiri banyak salah, nak tunjuk tunjuk salah orang lain. Muka kalau macam Heath Ledger, boleh la aku terima teguran kau yang sangat tak berasas. Tapi.. haram. Kan dah kena marah tadi, buat aku bengang je hari ni. -_-

When I was in my tutorial class just now, a boy said this..

"Aku tak suka budak perempuan dari KL sebab semua macam snobs. Kalau aku cari girlfriend, aku takkan cari budak KL."

Satu, aku rasa lega sebab dia memang menggatal dan suka ayat semua perempuan. Cikgu siap kata dia penjual minyak (Maksud: suka ayat perempuan or something like that)
Dua, aku rasa dia stereotype semua perempuan benda sama sebab girlfriend dia tinggalkan dia. HAHA.
Tiga.. ahh, kesimpulannya.. Semua budak perempuan dalam class aku yang dari KL dan Selangor bengang dekat dia.

Aku dah muak kat sini, nak balik. Nak balik rumah laaaa. Dah la, nak makan maggi.

Bila masa aku nak imun dengan perasaan ni?

gila.

Dah dua minggu, tapi aku rasa macam lebih dari sebulan.

Kosong je bangun pagi, malam lagi la. Tak payah cerita macam mana sebab lagi teruk rasa kosong tu. Nasib baik boleh main internet, kalau tak.. Aku dah separuh gila.

HI BYE

MATRIKS CEPAT LA TUTUP. IKUT LA MATRIKS LAIN TU, ISH. BYE.

youkillme.

I am off to Negeri Sembilan, will be back in two weeks time. ♥♥♥

Take care, loves.

good times.

I FOOKING MISS ALL OF THIS. :(
Random pictures from 2005 til 2009.