Tuesday, March 31

Goodbye March

That I still loathe even though my two bestfriends birthday are on March. ;( But I still loathe March.

Too much shit happened and none of it will bring any good to me. So, I refuse to remember anything that has happened in March.

So, Hello April and.. (presents).

p/s: somehow, i feel relieved.

Saturday, March 28

on my knees.

I thought I was standing on a stable ground but I thought everything wrong this time. I wanted things to be better between me and him but this time, I was the one who snatched the rug underneath our feet.

I just thought it was the right thing to do.

I am sorry Wan Azmi for I have broken our hearts this time..

I thought by doing that, things will get better. I just did not know the consequences because it was supposed to turn out well but it did not.

I don't know if I screwed up this time or not because my intention was good. But I am still sorry for making things worse.

This is not how I pictured my perfect Saturday.

Friday, March 27

future idol.

Is it a crime to kill this boy?

Thursday, March 26

via icanread.

I need to get myself together but things seem so pointless right now.
Green t-shirt, pink t-shirt, black sweater, violet hand fan, lip ring, sweaty palms, light brown eyes, cream/black shorts, blue honda jazz, coffee bean, braces, dark purple heart shaped pendant necklace, guitar pick bracelet and fifth april.
p/s: Happy 18th Farim Shahnan.

Wednesday, March 25

second best.

[Listening to|You're Not Sorry - Taylor Swift]

Smile, Nadira. Just smile.
There's nothing left to beg for.
So, just smile.

she wins.

You win.


Tuesday, March 24

it's his part two.

Aku mengaku kali ni memang aku rasa sakit, pedih yang teramat sangat. Malam tadi aku cuba tidur, tapi tak tidur-tidur jugak sampai pukul 5 pagi. Tutup mata, dia muncul. Buka mata, semua benda ingatkan aku pada dia. Pedih, sebab tau dia bukan dengan aku lagi.

Lagi pedih, bila dua hari lepas dia kata dia tak nak hilang aku lagi.

Aku rasa kosong pagi ni.

Duduk depan komputer, cuba lupakan dia. Tapi semua tak menjadi, lagi aku rasa nak contact dia ada la. Aku kuatkan semangat aku balik dan cuba pujuk diri aku yang dia buat semua ni is for his happiness. Memang la sedih aku tidak boleh aku tunjuk dekat sini, tapi lagi sedih bila hati aku ni macam susah nak diri sendiri pujuk, kena dia juga. Baru rasa okay sikit, tapi entahlah.

Mungkin dah terlambat untuk aku mula tulis pasal dia dekat sini, dan mungkin ini untuk yang terbaik. Tapi rasa benci, marah tu sumpah aku kata memang aku tak ada rasa langsung. Aku nak dia happy.

I still fucking love you.
You highlite this

Monday, March 23

wan azmi

It's a small crime and this time, I've got no excuse.

I'm sorry for every pain that I've caused.
I'm sorry for every tear that you've shed.
I'm sorry for thinking I'm always right when it's the opposite.
I'm sorry for making you feel under appreciated when you've done to make me stand up.
I'm sorry for making you think the otherwise.
I'm sorry for causing all the bad moods.
I'm sorry for trying to turn the table around when it's really my fault.
I'm sorry for accusing you for shits that you never did.
I'm sorry for being the one who always messes up the situation.
I'm sorry for apologizing too much when I know that you're sick and tired of it.

I hope there's other less cliche words than I am sorry.
But I know there isn't.
I'm sorry for everything.

Sunday, March 22

you smile when this little heart cries.

[Listening to|Kate Nash - Nicest Things]

I wish that without me your heart would break,
I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake.
I wish that without me you couldn't eat,
I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep.

Sometimes, you can never be enough to one person because all that person wants is perfection but your face is embedded with flaws. You want to be enough but you've failed so many times and it's tiresome for you to try it again, and again because you know that will never happen. As much as you want to be perfect, you know it's not mere possible.

I want to avoid conflicts but it's not working because somewhere along the line, I'll be at fault and sometimes, the decisions will be threatening. I will bow down to everything to keep one thing. It's sad, really. I want to keep everything forever but it's impossible since I am the one who always creates one little problem that would lead to something big. Maybe I am like this because I can't afford to lose one of the most important things in my life. I bow down to things because I am afraid.

But everything cannot beat the pain that I am having when someone tells me I am not and will never be enough.

I just want to shut down.